Question from a reader…..

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Lauren wrote: “How do you get connected with the parents?

This is another question that people ask me frequently.  For my first surrogacy, I went through a surrogacy agency.  For a fee, intended parents can sign on with an agency in hopes of finding a suitable surrogate.  Surrogates can apply with as many agencies as they wish in hopes of finding the right intended parents.  I initially signed on with two seperate agencies and was quickly given profiles of two couples that met my list of requirements who were interested in using me as their surrogate.  I had phone conversations with both of them (three way call with the agency worker also on the call to facilitate) and really liked each of them.  They both had heartbreaking circumstances and it was very difficult to choose between the two, mainly because you know that one of them is going to be let down, and you are the one doing it.

For both of my next surrogacies, we got in contact via a personal connection.  For my second surrogacy, I was contacted by the first surrogate of the Australian couple to ask if I would consider carrying for them.  She was in the middle of a second surrogacy for them (she had their older daughter for them), however, she got pregnant with her own baby in the meantime.  There was no agency in this case, which was a HUGE regret of mine later on.  This is a whole story in itself, which is on my list of topics to share on this blog at some point.

My current surrogacy was also a result of a personal connection.  A dear friend of mine knew this couple and that is how we got in touch.  Also no agency this time around, which again, I have regretted in some ways.  Having an agency is the only way to go.  If and when things come up (because trust me, surrogacy isn’t always a bed of roses), you have a third party to consult and they handle it.  When there is no agency involvement, any conflicts or issues that arise are strictly between you and the couple, which can get VERY tense.

I would say that my second surrogacy was the easiest, simply because both myself and the couple had been through it before and we both knew what to expect of each other.  It was easy for both of us.  My first surrogacy was good, but it was new to both of us so there was lots of unchartered territory.  I think that couple treated it as more of a business deal than a personal relationship.  They always scheduled their calls with me.  It was never like “Hey I’m thinking of you and wanted to call and say hi”, which is what I would’ve preferred rather than the “We will call you promptly at 7:30 on Sunday nights, be there”.  This current surrogacy has had its own challenges since this is my third time around and it is the first time for my couple.  I’m completely laid back about it because I’ve done it twice before.  Of course for them, they are completely new to it and have tons of questions, worries and concerns.  It has gotten way better, but for awhile it was pretty tense.

People always think that surrogacy is all lovey-dovey and wonderful.  It is a wonderful thing, but when there are emotions and opinions involved from two completely different couples all revolving around the same pregnancy, that can be rough.  Each is it’s own journey and I have come to appreciate the differences.

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